Afraid Of The Dark

I've never really been afraid of the dark. OK, that's a lie. There have been times when I was afraid but that's situational, not a matter of habit. OK, that's a lie also. It shouldn't be past-tense. There are times when I'm afraid of the dark. But even that's not accurate. It's not the dark that scares me, it's the stuff hiding in the dark that might jump out and get me. That's the stuff I'm afraid of.
I live in the woods, I run in the woods. Sometimes due to time constraints I have to run at night. It gets a little spooky out there alone in the dark forest with nothing for company but an active imagination. Every crunching leaf, broken twig, even the wind through the trees can have me imagining I'm being stalked by one of the local cougars. Don't laugh, they're out there. I can feel them. Alright, you can laugh at that. I can't really feel them. But they have been seen in the woods where I run. In the winter I see bobcat and coyote tracks every time I run and I've been told that if you see those then there are also cougars in the woods. The bobcat and coyote tracks are usually in the trail I made the previous day, right on top of my footprints. But I'm not afraid of them like I am the cougars. Both coyotes and bobcats are timid when it comes to human contact. They spend their time avoiding us. Cougars on the other hand seem to take it as a challenge to punish humans that get too close to a fresh kill. Think about it. I'm running through the woods. What could be more enticing to a large predator than something running past them that can't really see in the dark. It's a cougar version of those sushi bars where the food kind of floats past on those little boats. You just hang out and grab whatever looks good. Sounds good except that I'm the sushi in this scenario.
Another critter that scares me, but for very different reasons, is the evil skunk. Yep, that's right, a skunk. They're dark, small, they move kind of slow. Very dangerous. Bears, coyotes, bobcats, they all run away before you get there. But skunks, they're just too slow. They try to run away but they just sort of waddle along, low to the ground, dark and hidden and then they panic. It's the panic and the accompanying defense mechanism that truly frightens me. Our dogs have been sprayed before and it's ugly. When it's fresh like that it's nothing at all like what you smell when a skunk has been killed on the road. This is fresh, very fresh. It's a sickening sweet sort of smell that you can taste. It sticks in the back of your throat and makes you gag. If you actually get sprayed it sticks with you for quite a while. I know, bathe in tomato juice. Sure that might neutralize it but it's still there. When some old local guy walks up and says you smell like a bear you know you haven't made much progress. Hydrogen Peroxide mixed with baking soda works also but then you just smell like a bleach-blond bear and that's definitely asking for trouble while running in the forest at night. I think I'd rather be part of the cougar sushi bar than a date for a bear.
So what's the solution to all this? Do I run with a handgun? Probably a bad idea given that I have a tendency to stumble more when running at night. I'd end up shooting myself in the leg. Besides, I don't want to carry the extra weight. Maybe I could wear four headlamps with their beams sort of radiating out from my head. I don't know if that would be any less weight than the gun but it might just blind any critters within 50 feet. The best solution is probably a running partner that's just a little slower than me. I hope Joel doesn't read this.