Forgive Me Bloggers, For I Have Sinned

It's been 80 days since my last post.
In those 80 days I don't think I've run once. So what have I been doing? Once that Fall 50 is done it becomes pretty risky running in the Wisconsin woods as deer season is just around the corner. So, I put away the running shoes and dig out the camo and orange, sight in the rifle, and begin poking around the woods for signs of deer and good trees for my stand. I still haven't made the financial commitment to bow hunting so I'm limited to the few short weeks of rifle season. I actually just began deer hunting in 2007. I grew up pheasant hunting in Iowa but never really had a need to deer hunt. Up until late 2006 Jen and I would buy our meat from a small local farm that raised chickens, Highland Cattle, and pigs. Once a year we would place an order for what we thought we could eat in a year and when we received a call from Mike and Vicki we'd drive over and pick up our many pounds of organically raised meat. Then in early '07 we heard through the local grapevine that the farm would no longer be producing meat. Jen and I casually searched around for another source but soon realized what we had was pretty special and would be nearly impossible to replace. Being a trail runner I'm always seeing deer and turkey while roaming the area so it only made sense to at least consider an even more local meat source. The first thing I had to think about was could I do it? Could I actually pull the trigger? I've never thought of hunting as a sport so killing for anything other than food isn't an option for me. So last year I hunted...every freezing cold day of the season. I shot a single doe in ten days of hunting. My big toes were numb for nearly two months after. This year I changed my tactics. I bought a stand that weighs less than 20 pounds and can be carried like a backpack so I'm able to respond to the changing patterns of the deer and move accordingly. Unfortunately I didn't have nearly as much time to hunt this year so it became critical to pay attention and do everything possible to be productive. I shot three does this year. I was in my stand for less than two hours for each deer. The shots were well placed and the deer died within seconds. Jen and I butchered all three very thoroughly, leaving little for the birds to pick off the carcass. I'd guess we got more than 50 pounds of meat off each animal. Two of them should feed us for the year. The third went to Jen's sister to help feed her family.
I learned a lot this year while hunting. Of course I learned about deer and their patterns and habits but I also learned much about myself. Each morning as I prepared to head into the woods to hunt I spent time really contemplating what I was about to do and why I was doing it. I admit I had moments of hesitation. There's nothing enjoyable about killing. It's brutal and ugly regardless of how you go about it. But I'm a carnivore. My body craves meat, high quality protein. I've decided that if I'm going to consume it I should know where it comes from and just as important, I should be in touch with it. I also found that I'm good at it. I'm decent at understanding where and why they move so I rarely go a day without seeing any deer. I don't take shots I'm unsure of. I'd rather walk away with nothing than wound an animal and have it suffer. I've noticed that as soon as I see a deer my heart rate races but as soon as I look through my rifle scope and contemplate a shot everything goes absolutely silent. Nothing exists for me other than that deer. My mind is subdued. I feel a slight sense of remorse for the life that's about to end but I'm grateful for the food that's being provided. I noticed that I actually say a quick thanks just before the shot and then a more conscious thank-you once the deer is dead. I take a few minutes for this thank-you before I begin the work of field dressing and hauling the deer home. I've realized that I've found a place within the food chain that I didn't know I was meant to be in. In the past I was just a consumer. Now I'm a provider. My place is important to my family for the food I provide but it's also important to my environment to help with the balance. Someone asked me if I feel that killing these deer takes something away from me. I had to think about that a while but soon understood that it feels like it's a part of me. It's something I'm meant to do. I feel guilty when eating commercially raised meat but I feel nothing but gratitude when eating an animal that I spent the time to understand, kill quickly, and butcher. These deer were born and died within a couple miles of my house. They lived their lives eating acorns in the woods where I run. I know I have meat in my freezer that I saw as a yearling deer while on a trail run just over a year ago. I'm closing the circle.
In the spring I'll turkey hunt. The process will be much the same. I'll spend my spring runs watching for turkeys and learning the habits of the local flocks. Once the season begins I'll take the things I learned and hopefully be able to successfully provide more high quality meat for my family. Regardless of the success rate I'll be grateful for my time in the woods and my place within them quietly observing and learning.